Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
