Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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