I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
