well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
