allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she told me i tasted like america
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
