There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
