It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
