I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
