Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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