i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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