dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
