Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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