so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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