My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You are a genius and a whore.
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