I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
