At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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