His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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