Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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