You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
