I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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