im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
