so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
