i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
