on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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