Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
