Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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