Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
