theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
