i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
