We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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