stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
