Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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