found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
