Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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