i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
