C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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