ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
