he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
