dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
