You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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