Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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