I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
