Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize