You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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