I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize