Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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