Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
