I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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