umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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