I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
