you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
