My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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