I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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