The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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