Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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