i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
